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Control is a word that many diabetics are used to hearing. If I get through a day, let alone a week, without a discussion about my control then I’m doing very well. No, I am not a control freak. Nor is my boyfriend ordered about by me day and night. However I am in a controlling relationship. This controlling relationship seems to know no boundaries. It’s a relationship with multiple partners – me, food, my insulin, my insulin pump and my testing equipment whether it be finger pricks or a beloved continuous glucose monitor. I exist in a controlling relationship, which many of my magazines have me believe is unhealthy, twenty four seven. 

As soon as I step inside a doctor’s room to state that I am unwell the first question is about my control. Are my blood sugars on target? Do I have good control? The phrase “good control” sometimes confuses me. What do they mean by good control? Is it a different view to that of both myself and my consultant? Oh I must be ill because my control isn’t good… My control is good. I keep myself alive. I keep myself in range and most of all I eat what I want and do what I want. Yes I will occasionally get it wrong, my CGM may show a Himalayan mountain range, but my day to day levels are good. If I limited myself to four tests in a day I am sure they would all be below 7mmol. However I test more than that and see a larger picture of peaks and dips. I test before I eat, exercise, dog walk, drive, when I wake, when I go to sleep. My life is filled with data and carbohydrate counting. However do I achieve control? Is it even possible to achieve perfect control? After all I enjoy living my life, having fun, making my adrenalin cause a spike or two. If someone could please clarify what this illusion of “control” that I search for daily is, then I would be most grateful.